Move over Truth, Civility needs that Hospital Bed.

Early in my career, I had a heated discussion at a motion hearing with a much older lawyer. He was about the age I am now, but to thirty-something me he seemed ancient. At one point he invited me to step outside and continue our discussion. Where I come from, that is a veiled threat at best and his exact words tore the veil away.

Stubborn, hot-headed me had a rare moment of clarity and I immediately realized that my options were slim.  If we descended into fisticuffs and I won, I couldn’t really crow about beating a much older man in a fist fight. If I lost, there would be no hole deep enough to hide my embarrassment.  Even though I was at the peak of my fitness back then, my better judgment exceeded my testosterone for once.   I passed up his invitation. I can’t remember how the motion hearing went, but we shook hands afterwards and never spoke of it again.

I am happy that I made the right decision. Not because he was about a foot taller than me (he was) or because, as I later learned, he had spent time in the military and was rumored to have been a boxer of some repute (again, factual). Lawyers are professionals and have a standard of conduct that is more important than personal feuds. The gentleman and I had other cases after that day, and the conflict never came up. He treated me well and I was respectful.

I mention this because of the recent event at the Academy Awards. I don’t usually watch the Oscars, but my wife had them on so I grumbled and sat by her on the couch. If I hadn’t, I would have missed Mr. Smith strike Mr. Rock- Chris Rock, not The Rock a/k/a Dwayne Johnson. I would pay for front row seats to that slap fight.

The rest of the gala celebration were overshadowed by the slap heard round the world. Even though the parties have apologized, the fallout from the evening remains.

Like most things in today’s world, our collective views on the event were polarized. Some thought Mr. Smith was justified in defending his wife after a perceived insult from a comedian. Some thought Mr. Smith’s action reduced Mrs. Smith from esteemed actress to a possession of her husband. First year law students argued about whether it was an assault or a battery, and if Mr. Rock’s statement qualified as “fighting words.” Fighters analyzed the slap technique. Fellow actors gave Mr. Smith an ovation when he received his Oscar moments later but then criticized him for being violent. Internet pundits spun conspiracy theories and said the whole thing was faked. The meme industry worked round the clock to churn out the jokes. Comedy Central cancelled any upcoming roasts of the Smiths.

While all publicity is said to be good publicity, this can’t be what the proverb meant. At the end of the day all of those involved will be fine, I am sure. Actors don’t live in the same world as the rest of us. Especially attorneys.

I wrote in this space a few years ago about the death of truth, and how facts don’t seem to matter in today’s world. There have always been those who played fast and loose with facts but the internet perpetuates lies like we have never seen before in all aspects of our lives. Unfortunately, the marketplace of ideas relies on educated consumers and the plethora of information and misinformation makes it tough to know what is true these days. Many don’t care about truth if it doesn’t suit their agenda or prejudices anyway.

Is civility the next virtue to die after truth? Commentators are criticizing world leaders for attempting to avoid the war in Ukraine with diplomacy and civility, saying that those things are long gone.  For the legal profession, civility is almost as important as honesty. Trial practice is an adversarial system. Even so, deals and compromises occur much more often than decisions by judges and juries. Matters that cannot be settled are almost always handled with civility and courtesy. Thankfully.

I learned from a wise lawyer that while we may be on the side of the defendant or the plaintiff for one case, that “side” is unlikely to define a lawyer throughout a career. Being civil to opponents is not only expected, it is also practical. Practice long enough and you will need a kindness at some point and being civil pays off in ways one can’t anticipate. Lack of kindness also pays a dividend but we never want to collect it.

It is embarrassing to confess that I had to learn that maxim in my law practice instead of law school. Luckily, I learned it early on. There aren’t a dozen lawyers in the state that I wouldn’t be glad to hang out with over a drink. Staying on good terms with our opponents is also less stressful than viewing the legal community as a dark alley full of enemies. We practice law by agreeing to disagree but with civility and understanding.  If our profession is going to last, that can’t change.

©2022 With All Due Respect. Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Missouri. If you slap him, there had better be a dead bug under your hand.  Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this newspaper or directly to me via email at farris@farrislaw.net.