Gooooooaaaaalllll! Slow and Steady for the Win.

My phone buzzed on Friday afternoon. It was Stuart Thomas. It always makes me laugh when Stu calls because the picture that pops up on my phone is the grumpy Muppet sitting in the theater box.

“To what do I owe the privilege?” I asked.

“You want to watch the football game with me Sunday?” he asked.

I was not sure I heard him correctly. Stuart rarely called me, less often if it didn’t involve fixing something at his house, so that was two red flags. Since the only game on Sunday was the World Cup final, it meant watching soccer which he scorned and never called “football.” Doing so was guaranteed to elicit a diatribe from him that “football is 22 big guys smashing into each other, not 22 dancers kicking a ball and falling over if they get touched. Everyone knows that.” Although the rest of the world calls soccer “football,” I always let it go.

“You mean the World Cup? When did you start watching football? I mean soccer.”

“Since Messi.”

“What do you mean messy?” I baited him. “The players never even get dirty.”

“I am glad you have given up trying to be funny. It wasn’t working for you anyway,” he said dryly. “Lionel Messi from Argentina.”

“You know a player’s name?” I asked.

“Messi isn’t just a player, he is a living legend, the best on the pitch. And he reminds me of a trial lawyer.”

I was stunned. Not just that Stu referred to the soccer field properly, but that he was comparing a soccer star to a trial lawyer. I could see some parallels between soccer and trial work. Lots of boring tasks punctuated by moments of pure adrenaline, and no one really knows how much time is left in a game or a case. Still, I played along.

“How so?”

“Well, for starters, he is usually walking when other players are running. Yet he is always in the right place at the right time to score. He lets the game come to him, he doesn’t busy himself looking for an opportunity that isn’t there. He is very deliberate in his moves, not wasting energy on every meaningless pass or play.”

“How is that like trial work?”

“Simple. A good trial lawyer doesn’t ask a witness every possible question. She makes two or three points and sits down. She is purposeful in her questions and actions. The jury doesn’t get lost in the minutia, and the judge appreciates that the case moves along.”

“You know, Messi rarely gets called for a foul but if an opposing player even breathes too close to him, they draw a yellow card,” I interjected, trying to derail his metaphor.

“Another good comparison my friend! Because the great ones don’t bother the court with meaningless motions or improper objections, they tend to win the close calls. They earn credibility with what they don’t do as much as with what they do.”

“Okay,” I said, “You have convinced me. The game starts at 3:00, what time do you want to get together?”

There was a long pause on the phone. Then Stu responded.

“3:00 is cutting it kind of close to my afternoon nap. Come on by around 4. And if you picked up some beer and snacks it wouldn’t be the worst thing. Get something good for a change, would you?”

He hung up without waiting for a response. I scratched my head, realizing what had just happened. I had gotten a rare phone call from my friend about soccer of all things, a semi-compliment, and roped into buying refreshments. Like Messi, Stu had put a move on me when I least expected it and scored first. It may not have been a beautiful game, but it was definitely well played.

©2026 With All Due Respect. Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Missouri. He once yelled “goal” when he made a point with a witness on cross examination. Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this publication or directly to him via email at farris@farrislaw.net.