The Return of Gadget Boy, or When Phones Attack!

It has been a couple of years since I ventured to the tech center of the Levison Towers. The new tech administrator is a high school student named Dexter. When equipment locks up, breaks down or is generally uncooperative, Dexter gets the call. Typically, his rumbling and grumbling is only moderately less unpleasant than the equipment failure itself. Still, in a matter of moments, the device does his bidding and is humming along.

I entered his basement office to look at cell phones- the bag phone I have been carrying is finally kaput- and started a conversation. Asking for new equipment from Dexter is even less fun that having him fix something. An hour and a couple of candy bars later, however, Dex had opened up to me with the three Rs of tech mastery: Read the manual, Rant and Rave, and Reboot. Technically speaking, that is four Rs, but I was not going to correct him.

I grabbed two cell phones when Dexter turned his back. Both are great phones, but no Master of the Universe would be seen on a phone that just makes calls. My ultimate phone had to do more- one device to rule them all.

In my Gadget Boy cape and spandex tights, I staged a battle between Blackberry’s Curve and Apple’s iPhone. (Just kidding about the cape.) The Curve is the smallest ‘Berry with a full size keyboard. The iPhone is Apple’s revolutionary touch screen mobile device.  No actual phones were harmed in this testing, Gentle Reader, but millions of electrons were inconvenienced.

If your next big case is coming to your inbox, you will want: Blackberry pioneered mobile email, and keep their dominance with the Curve. Although the latest iPhone closes the gap, the mighty Berry still rules the email world and the keys to the texting kingdom as well. To close the performance gap with an iPhone, you need some work arounds. (iPhone totin’ lawyers can email me for the latest.) The Curve has a blinking LED on top of the phone to let you know when new mail arrives without powering up and peeking. (Fun fact- grab your phone and check for mail. Look around you- someone will feel compelled to check theirs as well. This is called the CrackBerry Yawn.) Winner- Curve.

If your clients are thirtysomethings that love gadgets, you will want: The iPhone’s wired headset has a little microphone on one side. Squeeze this microphone and the music you are listening to skips ahead, or takes the call from your wife, reminding you to pick up her dry cleaning. New software is available over the airwaves, and there are more accessories for the little Apple that could than the Curve. Winner- iPhone.

If your clients include Greenies with no electric outlets at home, you will want: The Curve lasts days on a charge, and has a removable battery. An iPhone barely makes it past lunch, and only the 19 year olds at the Apple Store Genius bar know how to get the battery replaced. What is the chance you will need to make a call when the battery goes dead? Right. Winner- Curve.

If you get lost on the way home from work, let alone en route to out of town depositions, you will want: Both the iPhone and the Curve come with a built in GPS. If you plan on using this GPS for driving directions, the Curve gives you spoken turn by turn directions. The iPhone gives you Google maps and a list of directions to follow, which is so 90s. (Sorry, techie stuff makes me feel unduly hip. Or is it thigh?)   Winner- Curve.

If you need to look up a case or phone number on the ‘net while waiting your turn in motion court, you will want: Your opponent hands you a motion with a case cite you have never seen. Hope you have the iPhone. Faster internet speed on cell networks and wifi in most metro areas and all Starbucks means web pages load as fast as on your computer. Instant answers are now yours! Winner- iPhone.

If you are a middle aged lawyer, you will want: The iPhone has a big screen, but if it isn’t big enough to read the text or website you are browsing, simply make a reverse pinch motion on the touch screen and the text or picture grows. If only law books worked that way, middle aged lawyers wouldn’t go home at night with headaches or bifocals. Winner- iPhone.

If you want to tune out the loudmouth flying next to you, you will want: Apple pioneered personal entertainment devices with the iPod. The biggest capacity iPhone will carry 16 gigs of the tunes (or movies, or photos, or podcasts) that you enjoy. It uses the same control system, and offers the same variety of entertainment you enjoy on the iPod. The Curve comes close with its removable media cards, allowing infinite storage. Both deliver good quality playback of music, but forget about movies on the Curve. Winner- iPhone, though not by as much as you might think.

The battle ends, and the judges have to tabulate their votes. While you wait, ask Santa for the phone you crave, and take one more bit of advice from Gadget Boy: Lose the belt holster. Put your phone in a pocket, and don’t take it out at dinner. Ever.

(c)2008 Under Analysis, LLC. Under Analysis is a nationally syndicated column of the Levison Group.  Spencer Farris is the founding partner of The S.E. Farris Law Firm in St Louis, Missouri.  Comments or criticisms about this column may be sent c/o this newspaper or directly to the Levison Group via email at comments@levisongroup.com. And if you can get him a new Storm phone to review, call collect. Even at the dinner hour.